A typical couple in love and enjoying a laugh. Yet the question still remains; is it love or are we all kidding ourselves?
Image via Flickr.com
YPSILANTI, Mich- How open can one be to love until it takes over your life, or is it out of ones hands? Is it truly as cliché as people say; does love work in mysterious ways?
Our generation has become obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship, and depressed if one has chosen the single life. Our species is obsessed with interaction, especially love, and it seems that unhealthy relationships end up being the most common result.
Our generation has become obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship, and depressed if one has chosen the single life. Our species is obsessed with interaction, especially love, and it seems that unhealthy relationships end up being the most common result.
It seems as if students have lost the focus on their family and their individual future, and feel that the idea of a relationship is their top priority. It is at this time that people seem to be grasping at straws and settling for whatever comes along, even if the person is not a good match.
Nicholas Aretakis came to Eastern Michigan University in November 2009. Aretakis is world-renowned author, and most recently famous for his book, Ditching Mr. Wrong. “It is not about proving that all men are bad. Quite the contrary. It is about helping women hone their mate selection skills and keep poor candidates from dominating their schedules and their lives,” states Aretakis in his book. Aretakis has witnessed over the past few years the dilemma that the female has been facing in trying to find such relationships. Aretakis said recently in his lecture, “ I have become sick of great women picking bad guys because they felt as if they had no other options. Women should not doubt their worth because of the opinions of one man.” Women are clearly feeling pressured to find the right guy, but easily become distressed and stay in unhealthy relationships because of the pressures of society and their biological clocks. Aretakis wrote his book to help all people in relationships, focus on the qualities they need in life, to keep their future in motion, and find a good life partner. Yet, it is not only women who feel this pressure, men too are feeling the pressure to pair off, and feel the effects of the single life.
Nicholas Aretakis came to Eastern Michigan University in November 2009. Aretakis is world-renowned author, and most recently famous for his book, Ditching Mr. Wrong. “It is not about proving that all men are bad. Quite the contrary. It is about helping women hone their mate selection skills and keep poor candidates from dominating their schedules and their lives,” states Aretakis in his book. Aretakis has witnessed over the past few years the dilemma that the female has been facing in trying to find such relationships. Aretakis said recently in his lecture, “ I have become sick of great women picking bad guys because they felt as if they had no other options. Women should not doubt their worth because of the opinions of one man.” Women are clearly feeling pressured to find the right guy, but easily become distressed and stay in unhealthy relationships because of the pressures of society and their biological clocks. Aretakis wrote his book to help all people in relationships, focus on the qualities they need in life, to keep their future in motion, and find a good life partner. Yet, it is not only women who feel this pressure, men too are feeling the pressure to pair off, and feel the effects of the single life.
“Sometimes it seems easier just because you know you have someone there to help at anytime and you always have someone to lean on and it is kind of lonely now but being single I have a lot more time to hang with all of my friends so I guess you could call that an upside if there is one.” Pat Cunningham is a student at Northern Michigan University who recently just got out of a three-year relationship with his high school sweet heart. Cunningham’s ex girlfriend, Ashley, recently dumped him for a boy closer to home, and Cunningham like many others is feeling the effects of being single. In discussion Cunningham has said that the break up has affected him greatly, he has trouble sleeping, cannot focus on school, and whenever his ex wants to talk to him he drops everything, she is still his main priority. It seems as if rather than living life, and looking to the future as his priority, being in a relationship, or the lack there of has become his main priority. “ I have noticed that since I became single lots of people that would not normally have now gotten girlfriends. I feel that most of the time a relationship that starts in high school or early in college will not last, but I am sure there are exceptions,” stated Cunningham.
This seems to be an ongoing question, why do people want a relationship so badly and why must people stay in or choose unhealthy relationships? Such questions were taken to Lisa Lauterbach, a Psychologist at Snow Health Center at Eastern Michigan University. Lauterbach discussed that relationship issues are one of the top reasons students come into their offices. “The problems arise when people have to be in a relationship, so they enter a new one quickly without much consideration for whom they are choosing. Anyone is better than having no one,” states Lauterbach. Many of these cases branch from issues in your childhood with ones parents and the relationships they have. Lauterbach says that people solve this problem by getting into constant relationships or use sex to attempt to fulfill needs for attention, or sometimes by even having a baby to get the love they desire.
Madison Chuhran is another student here at Eastern Michigan University who is learning how to live in the single world after a recent break up. Chuhran is still close with her ex, and plans to remain close friends with him in the months and years to follow. Chuhran was willing to discuss the unrealistic idea that has been put into the heads of many about relationships. Chuhran feels that girls are given impractical ideas about relationships and love. Media portrays, especially for girls, ideas that you need to marry young and have children young. Books that are distributed, Twilight for example, the many Disney princess movies, and the countless “chick flicks” that are released year after year are fueling the fire to rush ones future. It seems as if this media induced idea, has begun to actually affect the mind-set of the young female. When realistically people are having children closer to their thirties and there is no rush to get married. The worst part is that media is feeding these ideas to our youth, and they are buying them. Not only buying them but trying to live this nonrealistic life. Chuhran and countless other students at Eastern Michigan know the idea of Juno Complex (after the movie released in Winter 2007). Recently it has become cool to get pregnant young, and even socially acceptable. Movies and other forms of media are Okaying teen pregnancy and teens are following this new trend.
Chuhran has become victim to the unhealthy obsession of love, but still believes there are two ways to love. There is the healthy way, where communication is key and there is understanding. One where one does not become caught up in ideas of the future, like how your apartment will pan out, and putting ones life and dreams on hold for the sake of the relationship. In retrospect there is the couple that works through the plans together and understand the each other’s future and agree to compromise without giving up all that is you. So while yes for some love becomes an unhealthy addiction, some can make a relationship work in a healthy way. It is finding a match and making sure it is healthy for both parties, and not getting caught up in the media poisoned idea.
“I have found the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Brittany Hnevsa a 20-year-old student at Lansing Community College stated about her three-year boyfriend Matt Pokorny. Hnevsa and Pokorny are some of the brave few who are trying to make a long distance military relationship work, and are ready for that next step in their relationship; marriage. So while much of the youth does jump right into an early marriage without considering the consequences, what about those in a serious relationship. Those who believe like Hnevsa that they have found their true love and that it will all work out no mater what. “ When both people have the same love, strength, faith, and trust in God it helps them get through it so much more, because they know that even though they are alone they are really not alone because God is always there, keeping them strong,” states Hnevsa.
There is the broken lover, those who have learned from love, and those who have found the happy ending. Love is not a game to play, and it should never be underestimated. Media has turned a serious life changing emotion, into a trend to follow and social group to fit into. Sex sells, watch TV, look online, and society is gobbling up this new idea of sex being love. What people need to start looking at is real life, and finding what type of media supports a healthy form of love. In the film Dan in Real Life the protagonist finds that, love is not a feeling it is an ability. Aretakis and Lauterbach both think that love should not be underestimated; it is a serious decision and life commitment and not just a trend. Plus, most trends go out of style; children and your emotional stability are not a trend that is real life. Be open and be realistic and then you will find love, or at least get on the right track to a healthy relationship.
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